i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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