kristin has been a bad kristin
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
