She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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