The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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