I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
