Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
