Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
