Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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