It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
