dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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