just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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