Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
