I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize