they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
