No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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