She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize