How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
