his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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