I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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