I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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