question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
