her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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