he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
