I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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