My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
