i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
