I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
