I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize