I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
