Moan for me like Helen Keller
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
