what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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