Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You are a genius and a whore.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
