Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no, he came in my armpit
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize