cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
