i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He did a backflip because drugs
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