Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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