you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
