If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
