You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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