That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
