It's like God shit irony all over that family
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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