i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
