sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
