Cold hands, warm shart.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
