why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
