You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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