it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
