Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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