so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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