my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
