About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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