I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
