My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
