You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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