its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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