We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
