party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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