no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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