You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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