why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish my penis had a tongue
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
