I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize