Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
