Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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