thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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