Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
