then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
