My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
